TRASH POET SONGWRITER
I decided that she needed a necklace like mine, a real puka shell necklace from Venus Beach. So, I walked back to the beach where I saw this old hippy guy who looked like a Native American. I said, “ Hey Man, do you have some grass?” and sure enough, he did. So, I smoked my mind to the bone. I got triple high!I continued on my journey to find the ultimate puka shell necklace for my future spirit mate, until I came across a dog catching a Frisbee. The dog was a Golden Retriever named Ernie (I think). I lied down next to him on the beach and watched him pee. His piss hitting the warm sand sounded different than when it hit the seashells and rocks. I thought for sure I was going to find the ultimate seashells (although, Ernie was pissing on some that were pretty incredible). Hours later, I woke up all alone and covered in sand, on the beach. As I started to come down from being stoned, I could see the seashells disappearing into the sunset. I got up on my feet and walked over to Sally’s Sea Shop where I finally found the perfect puka shell necklace. I grabbed it and stuffed it down my pants, next to my crotch, so my soon-to-be-girlfriend would fall in love with my smell. As I walked out of the shop, I saw her leaving with the boner, surfer dude, so I followed them to a nearby apartment building. Once I got there, I climbed up to the second floor terrace of my soon-to-be-soul-mates apartment. So, there I was: shirtless, with a puka shell necklace in my pants, looking through her bedroom window. Like a weirdo, I watched them have sex for at least an hour, thinking I could make love better than that guy. The room was lit by candles. While I waited by the window, a warm breeze hit my back, making all the hairs on my neck stand up like candles on a cake. After the surfer dude finally left her apartment, I tapped on the window. I stood there with a boner and stared at her naked ribs stretched out across the pillows on her bed. Lit and exposed, I was ready to jump in. As I held out the necklace, my heart started to race somewhere that was unexplainable. “Wake up. I have something to give you….” Honk, honk, honk. I snap out of my daydream to find an SUV barreling towards me in the middle of the street. I quickly scurry onto the sidewalk. I guess daydreaming will kill you (I know it happens to us older folks), but I just can’t stop thinking of the past and how much I loved that girl…. But, now that the girl is gone, I’m off to the chicken races because I have a jingle that’s going to sell their socks off!